I’ve been thinking about a bunch of stuff recently – and I want to write about some of them eventually – but right now I want to write about how different my life will be next week.
For the first time in forever, I won’t be a student come January. It’s an odd idea that I don’t think I’ve fully comprehended yet but it’s my reality. In January 2016, I’ll be a regular person with a (semi) regular job.
I’m really excited for this part of life because I imagine it’ll feel more freeing than school often does but I’m also worried about what my life will look like. I think I’ve grown more aware of my singleness in the past few months and more interested in ending it but I’m acutely aware of how difficult it often is to meet people in NYC and how hard it will be for me to do that outside of some type of daily structure.
I’m also worried about how I’ll spend my time. I have some friends in the city and I tend to hang out with them at least once a week but I don’t always initiate that. It’s easy for me to get into a rhythm of solitude and neglect friends and relationships.
Still, my most constant fear is that my advisor will email me telling me I didn’t pass my classes this semester and I actually have to spend another semester at Columbia. That’s legit my biggest fear about this whole thing – that January won’t usher in any newness but will instead reflect all the old, boring, debilitating insecurities and issues from before.
I’m not one for New Years resolutions but I am big on self-awareness (as all good humans should be – at least to some extent) and I know that 2016 will be an interesting year for me. So far, 2015 is ending way better and different than I expected so I can only hope the next year is as exciting. I’ve learned so much about myself in the last few weeks – I’ve disappointed and impressed myself – and that can be pretty exciting. So now, more than ever, as I reflect on the birth of Christ I’m excited about the things life has in store for me. I’m excited about what’s next. And I’m excited for Christmas.