I got a text a few minutes ago: Does today feel like a sad day?
I was shocked because I did feel that way and the text was unprovoked: Yeah, it does actually!
After a few exchanges, we concluded that my reason for feeling this way was the fact that I had spent the past two days inside and had no contact with the outside world, save for one conversation with my brother. This wasn’t my initial plan though.
When I went to bed last night, I told myself I would wake up in the morning and go to the park. Central Park is great and the part I live closest to is especially great in my unbiased opinion. Since I live uptown, there aren’t many people there and so it’s relaxing the way a park should be.
Anyway, when I woke up this morning I did not go to the park. Instead I sat in my room in my apartment and watched YouTube and Netflix. I told myself I would get some pages done towards my thesis chapter but I didn’t (and still haven’t). Overall, it was a pretty wasteful day.
So after I got the text I decided to go to the park. It still wasn’t dark out so I wouldn’t get murdered by anyone out there. When I got to the park, I found this nice, elevated site. It overlooked a pond and gave a really nice view of the surrounding area. It was pretty secluded (only a few people were there when I got there and they left after a few minutes) and it was a great place to be. It was a Coldplay-type of area, so I had to play this song as I looked out over the fence.
As I stood there alone I thought about how awesome it was to be standing there alone. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always love solitude. Some days I really need it to get by, while other days I wonder if I’ll have to spend the rest of my life alone. It’s not the solitude itself that I hate, it’s the feeling of unwanted disconnect. I don’t mind being alone if I’ve turned someone down for dinner and instead spent the night in watching Netflix. I don’t mind being alone if I’m engaged in something fun or exciting. I don’t mind being alone after a long day of being with lots of people. I just don’t like feeling disconnected.
But somehow, standing atop that hill, I felt the pleasure that can come with solitude. I enjoyed looking out and seeing the water. I enjoyed listening to the song and letting it wash over me. I enjoyed being with myself.
Here’s a good picture from my vantage point: