My Favorite/Most Embarrassing Memory of Jessica

First off, let me start by apologizing. I’m sorry for not coming up with any embarrassing or special moments at your birthday party. Second, happy birthday! I don’t think I ever said that.

I realized that recently I’ve kind of taken you for granted. Sorry for that too.

Anyway, the reason I didn’t contribute anything to the favorite memory question is twofold. First, I’m not actually good at grand gestures (though the presence of this post would seem to suggest otherwise). The idea of coming up with a great memory seemed tough and I literally drew a blank. At one point I was like, have I ever done anything with this girl? Are we even friends?

After that I realized that, indeed, we are friends, I would even willingly call you my best friend (sometimes. Like when you’re not talking about sweet potatoes). I thought of a lot of moments, but none of them were too awesome. They weren’t funny or sentimental or sweet or embarrassing or anything else. They were just moments. I thought of how we used to eat brunch together in Butler – not my favorite moment with you, just one that existed. I thought of our roadtrips to Chicago and then Virginia – no specific stories, just that they happened and you were present. I thought of how we went to the shooting range in Wisconsin, a story most notable for what happened in the car ride after, which was also the part I didn’t even remember until now.

All my memories of you were/are mundane. It sucked a little that I didn’t have a great story I could tell people about you.

But then, like always, you reminded me why you’re so cool. On the one hand, all my crappy/boring memories of you don’t even begin to tell the story of who you are or my relationship with you. On the other hand, they do just that.

You’re someone I’ve been able to laugh with, cry with, fight with, talk with, and pray with. There are a lot of good, boring, mundane moments in our friendship. There are a good number of crappy ones that I’d rather forget. But there are even more moments when i think I have you figured out, I think I can come up with one memorable Jessica moment, and I just can’t. As sappy and dumb as this sounds, you constantly/continually surprise me. So maybe that’s my favorite Jessica moment: every moment I thought I had you figured out and then you did something completely crazy like starting to say “on fleek” or watching TV.

Admittedly, this realization would have made me upset a few years ago. It would upset me to know that other people had cooler/better memories with you or that I felt like less of a “Jessica expert” than they were. Now, not so much. I’m glad people live their lives when I’m not around and especially you, since I’m not always (or even often) the best friend to you (not to be self-deprecating but just honestly, objectively speaking. You don’t have to write a comment saying “but Danielle, you’re so amazing!” Ain’t nobody got time for that) and it would kind of suck if I were the only person you could have fun with. But more than that, I’m glad that I don’t know you as well as I thought. I’m glad that I’ve always been wrong about you. I’m glad that you’re who you are and not who I imagine you to be.

I don’t want you to ever be that person.

Happy Birthday

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