I’m having a few final talks with people before I graduate (only a few though, I’m not about that “talking-to-a-bunch-of-people-before-you-graduate life”) and last night was the one I got to have with my mentor, Brenda. We talked about everything and we talked way longer than I thought we would and it was great. The best thing we talked about was the rough time I’ve been having the past week or so trying to sort some things out.
I told Brenda most of the deets about everything because I guess it was bothering me and I wanted to talk about it. I told her about how unsure I was feeling and confused and how I wanted to solve the problem but I didn’t really know what the problem was. The ever-present elephant in the room was not leaving and I had no clue as to why it was even there. Then Brenda told me something that I think scared me a little. She told me I needed to have an honest conversation with myself and God, dig deeper into what the problem is and I’d problem be able to uncover it.
So last night, I had that conversation. And lo and behold, when I got close to an uncomfortable topic I stopped because I didn’t want to do it. But then I remembered that I should do it because it was important to me and so I did. And I think I got pretty close to the actual elephant in the room.
So I’m going to keep having the honest talks with myself. I always thought it was so great that it’s May because no matter what happens, I’ll have the summer and basically the next year to take some time away from these problems and just breathe. And I think that’s true. It’s much harder to really think about something when you’re always aware that you might run into it. I think physical separation will be helpful, at least for me. But I think it will be even more helpful if I actually know what the problem is so I can pray into that.
So yeah, I think I’m starting to figure some things out but I think there are probably even more layers to what I already know. I guess we’ll see how this all turns out. Thanks, Brenda 🙂