Not of the world (I mean, it could be near, but I hope you wouldn’t rely on the blog of a college student to tell you that), but of my grad school apps. I feel bad for doing a Christmas post the week before Christmas because I knew there was a good chance I’d write another post before Christmas but it wouldn’t be Christmas related. I’m rambling though, back to grad school stuff.
The decision to apply to grad school was a hard one for me. I talked to a lot of people about it including my former roommate, my current roommate, my senior pre-med friend, a Sachs scholarship-winning friend, my parents, high school friends, and of course, God. There was a lot of talking. And everyone told me something slightly different that I’ll quickly share.
My former roommate (whom I’ve gotten to chill with a lot more this semester) talked to me about it around the beginning of the wavering. At the time I told her I was considering a 1-2 year fellowship and then grad school. She was applying to law school at the time. Her advice: apply to both. Don’t take chances with your future, apply to both and see what happens. My current roommate didn’t give me much advice, she just talked it through with me, though I did gain some valuable insight from talking with her. My two friends had decided to take time off so their advice to me was to do what I wanted and not let outside influence affect my decision in the wrong way. My parents really wanted me to apply to grad school. They gave me a litany of reasons why I would get in and why it would be the right decision for me. My friends from high school had all types of answers. Some had no idea what they’d be doing next year while others were already in med school or had jobs lined up. Needless to say, no one gave me the answer I was really looking for. In fact, this doesn’t even get to be one of those stories where after praying continually, I heard God’s voice from on high and he told me exactly what to do, what job to apply for or what school to apply to. It just wasn’t that easy.
But the one thing I got from talking to my current roommate, the thing that really pushes me each day to finish applications, is a brief exchange we had. She was doing the thing where she tells me that my major is impractical (which I don’t disagree with) and Latin and Greek are dumb and useless. (This sounds really harsh when I type it but it’s all in jest. I don’t take her seriously anyway ;).) She said, in her sassy tone, why do you want to study Classics anyway? To which I replied, because I honestly couldn’t see myself doing anything else. At that point, I realized I couldn’t heed the advice of my former roommate. I had to go all in. And not because I think I’m definitely going to get in to a school. I don’t think God has promised me that, at least not yet. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got rejected straight across the board. I imagine people think I’m being humble or overly cautious when I say that God willing I’ll be in grad school next year, but I’m really not. There is almost no reason I should get in: I don’t deserve it, I wasn’t a stellar undergrad, I didn’t get a full school on the GRE…the list goes on. No matter how much I want it, it can only happen if God wills it. And it would be one of those awesome things where I’d have to praise God for it.
So I sit here, ready to submit my final grad school app. It’s $95 for NYU. It’s ridiculously expensive. I’m too nervous to hit send right now – and I’m also wondering if I should wait until I get paid 2 weeks from now – so I’m just sitting and waiting. I think I’m nervous because once I hit that button, it’ll really be out of my hands. But now that I think about it, it’s been out of my hands this whole time anyway. God just let me think I had something to do with it. Sometimes it’s freeing to know that your life isn’t all about you. But maybe that’s a post for another day.