It’s official! My laptop has officially died :(. I wasn’t too surprised when it happened but I was/am a little sad. I guess the rest of these posts will be from iPods or other people’s computers until I get a new one. Still, there are much worse things in life so I can’t really complain. In fact, one of those things might be loneliness.

I’m the middle child (ftw!) so I’ve never really been alone growing up . When I came into the world there was already another friend there and when he left I still had a younger friend to hang out with. It’s really nice to always have those people you can hang out with but it’s also something I took for granted.

Last night, I found out just how difficult it can be to live as the youngest child. You grow up always having friends/siblings around and then all of a sudden, they’re gone. And the people you’ve always relied on to be your friends can’t just be with you whenever you call. I’d never thought about how painful or difficult that could be. But the even more painful thing was hearing the psychology behind it.

My brother and I tease my sister because she doesn’t call us often during the school year and if we call her she hangs up abruptly. But when I talked to her, I found out why. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to us, it’s just that she doesn’t know if she’ll be bothering us or if we’ll be too busy. So instead, she decides not to call at all. I think that tends to be a major part of loneliness that could lead to bigger issues. On the one hand, you’re lonely and you want to talk to someone, but on the other hand you would rather not be a burden to anyone. Unfortunately, the second line of reasoning usually wins and you’re left upset and sad.

I don’t know how to solve this problem – it broke my heart to hear about it – but I do know it’s not something you can just shake. There has to be a balance between our relationship with God and our relationship with men. What I mean is, we can’t be alone -we need friends and family – but we can’t rely on those things to fill us.

Still, I wish there were a way to put that into terms all people could understand. I know I couldn’t (and maybe shouldn’t) tell my sister, “oh hey! You should’ve taken that opportunity to get closer to God!” Yeah, I think that’s true but I don’t think saying that is super helpful.

But I do wish I could figure out some way to get that point across.


P.S. I tried soooo hard to post this before midnight :(! Alas, I failed.


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